The Mini Yami Adventures!
by Fliceru01
Summary: Ok heres a series of random adventures or trouble that those adorable Yamis get themselves into... rated for safety.
1. Prologue a short note from the Yamis

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN YU-GI-OH! (WHY DO YOU WANT ME TO KEEP REMINDING MYSELF OF THAT? SOBS) THERE PROBABLY WON'T BE ANY YAOI BUT IF THERE IS THEN I'LL WARN YOU, BUT THIS IS RATED FOR SAFETY JUST IN CASE.

THE MINI YAMI ADVENTURES

A short note from the Yamis

Bakura: Hey there dudes and dudettes! We, the utterly fabulous Yamis, have a little disclaimer of our own isn't that right guys!"

A non-interested chorus of "Yeah."

Bakura: Ok then. You should not read this fic:

Marik: If you are of a nervous disposition (We tend to be unnecessarily violent and blow things up every now and then.

Yami: If you are pregnant.

Bakura: Huh? Whats being pregnant got to do with reading this?

Yami: I dunno. Pregnant people just piss me off; they're all PMS-ish and shit.

Marik: Correct-a-mundo! …a word I've never used before… and hopefully never will again…

Bakura: If you don't like bad language (we have serious cases of verbal dyhorrea) p.s. I am very sorry if I spelt dyhorrea wrong. I forgot to say that none of us could spell.

Marik, Yami and Bakura: SHIT, PISS, FUCK, CUNT, COCK-SUCKER, MOTHER-FUCKER, TITS, FART, TURD AND TWAT!

Fliceru01: Hey! You've probably scared everyone off! No one will want to read this bloody thing now! I was hoping they were blissfully ignorant about what idiots you all are… Meh… I think that's enough disclaimers for now. Please try you're hardest to enjoy this fic… it'll probably be excruciating after listening to that lot.


	2. Adventure 1 mountaineering

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN YU-GI-OH! (WHY DO YOU WANT ME TO KEEP REMINDING MYSELF OF THAT? SOBS) THERE PROBABLY WON'T BE ANY YAOI BUT IF THERE IS THEN I'LL WARN YOU, BUT THIS IS RATED FOR SAFETY JUST IN CASE.

THE MINI YAMI ADVENTURES

ADVENTURE 1: MOUNTAINEERING

The mountain stood solidly before the two explorers, shedding its sinister and wintery shadow over them like a blanket of ice. Before them lay the ice incrusted path that they must take to reach the top of the mountain, lined with wilting plants, frozen boulders and the bodies of animals unlucky enough to have been stranded in the snow storm. One of the explorers tightened his parka and spoke.

" Bakura?"

The other shifted his weight from one leg to the other and replied.

" Yes Marik."

" We goin up there?"

" Yep."

" Big scary mountain?"

" Yep."

" Creepy, dark, icy, dangerous?"

" Yep."

" FOR THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!"

" Marik, we live in Japan and neither of us are American."

" Meh. Same difference. Now come the fuck on, lets get moving."

Marik and Bakura took a deep breath and started their perilous journey up the mountain past frozen pools and deep caverns whose entrances were lined with stalagmites and stalactites like long teeth barring their way. After about an hour of intense hiking, Marik's stomach began to rumble and the moaning began…

" Bakura! Onaka ga suita!"

" Marik, if you're going to moan then kindly moan in English!"

The two explorers sat down and unpacked their food supplies, specially engineered food to help them retain body heat, liquid and nutrients along the journey. When their meal was done Marik's eyes rolled back in his sockets as he spoke.

" Thank god for food. I thought my stomach was going to digest itself."

" The acid is your friend, especially if it means we can burn stuff!"

They laughed and carried on climbing until, all of a sudden, the rocks collapsed under Bakura's feet and he was sent flying back down the path a couple of yards.

" Marik! I've been hit! Go on without, I'll only slow you down! Carry on to reach salvation!"

Marik turned and carried on climbing.

" WAIT! YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO LEAVE! A GOOD MAN NEVER LEAVES A FELLOW MAN BEHIND!"

" A) You told me to leave. B) I'm not a good man. Oh hi Ryou."

" Huh? What's Ryou doing on a mountain."

Ryou's voice came to him from above him.

" Bakura, why are you screaming while lying on the stairs and wrapped in my duvet?"

All the wintery, mountain imagery fell away to reveal a staircase (the mountain) littered with Jaffa Cake wrappers (the specially engineered food) and Bakura and Marik wrapped in thick duvets.

" Oh sergeant Ryou! Thank god you're here! The expedition has come to a halt and the wolves will get me if I can't get out if this rock! Help me!"

Marik squeaked in terror.

" Wolves? You never said anything about wolves! If you had then I would have never played this game!"

He dropped the duvet, ran down the stairs and out of the house, screaming his head off. Ryou shook his head and spoke in exasperation.

" What are you two, six?"

" Yeah and the rest, Ryou!"

" For the love of… just clean this up!"

" You expect me to clean an entire mountain? You cruel bastard!"


	3. Adventure 2 Pyscologist

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN YU-GI-OH! (WHY DO YOU WANT ME TO KEEP REMINDING MYSELF OF THAT? SOBS) THERE PROBABLY WON'T BE ANY YAOI BUT IF THERE IS THEN I'LL WARN YOU, BUT THIS IS RATED FOR SAFETY JUST IN CASE.

**THE MINI YAMI ADVENTURES**

ADVENTURE 2: PSYCHOLOGIST

" Malik, I can't believe you're making me see a shrink! How many times do I need to tell you, I'm not insane, just mentally challenged!"

" Well whatever you are, it needs to be sorted out because you need to be taught that its not right to set fire to peoples clothes while they're still wearing them, then start singing goodness gracious great balls of fire."

Marik sighed and followed his Hikari into the small reception area. IT was decorated in a dull and neutral beige dispersed with photos of peaceful scenic meadows and lakes, and beautiful bunches of flowers in full bloom. Malik sat Marik down on a hard backed metal chair and spoke.

" You sit here while I go and check you in. Stay. Don't move."

" Yes master. My wish is your ever-loving command."

Malik sighed and walked over to the desk to talk to the receptionist who looked barely 18 as she chewed noisily on her gum and twiddled her hair between her finger and thumb absentmindedly. While Malik desperately tried to explain Marik's appointment to the receptionist, Marik let his attention wander to the other people sitting in the waiting room. In the far corner, near a fish tank buzzing with coloured fish and plants, sat a man looking around nearly close to tears and muttering to himself, and a few seats along from him there sat a man who was bobbing his head up and down and making weird cooing noises. The woman sitting next to him saw Marik staring and spoke.

" Hypnotism accident. Poor man thinks he's a pigeon."

Marik nodded and averted his gaze as the door to the waiting room slammed open and two burly looking men stormed in, dragging a girl with messed up brown hair and mad swirling eyes. They shoved her into a chair and handcuffed her to the arms of her chair then left the room via another door. When he was sure they weren't coming back, Marik shuffled up to the seat next to her and spoke quietly.

" What you in for?"

The girl's head shot round to face him and she smiled craftily and replied with an odd pitch in her voice.

" I tried to break into the zoo and free all the Kangaroos. What about you?"

" Oh. I'm a pyromaniac with sadomasochistic tendencies. Why Kangaroos?"

The girl leant closer to him and whispered her reply as if afraid the men from before would hear her and take her away.

" You have no idea how badly the Kangaroos are treated. You know chicken nuggets? They're actually Kangaroo meat. Beef burgers? Kangaroo."

Marik gasped in horror.

" So making us believe chicken nuggets are actually made out of chickens is a huge coverup! It all makes so much sense now! I feel like my eyes have been opened."

The girl smiled crookedly again and replied as if drunk.

" At least one person has listened to my crusade!"

Malik returned from the desk and walked back over to Marik and spoke.

" Ok, all done. Sorry I took so long, that damn receptionist kept asking me out on a date every time I tried to give her your name. Come on, we have to go through here."

Marik got up and went to walk away after waving goodbye to the girl but she grabbed Malik's wrist and spoke.

" Kangaroo murderer."

Malik shook her off and ushered Marik through a door leading off the waiting room. Marik spoke.

" Since when did you work in a zoo?"

" Marik I work in the library…"

They both shook their heads and Marik sat down on a black leather sofa while Malik sat on a chair near the door while the psychologist entered and prepared his notes. Marik yawned and stretched out as the strange little man sat on a chair next to the sofa and spoke in a slow drawling monotone voice.

" Hello Mr Ishtar. I am Doctor Edwards. I would like you to know that I am here for you. You can tell me all your problems and I won't tell you to shut up…"

Marik pouted for a second then replied.

" Well…"

The psychologist cut in."

" SHUT UP! I'm trying to tell you that you can tell me anything Mr Ishtar."

" Well I…"

" BE QUIET YOU INSOLENT LITTLE BOY! I am trying to explain you that I will never tell you to shut up or be quiet!"

" What…"

" BE…"

" …the…"

" …quiet…"

" …fuck?"

Malik rushed over and dragged Marik out of the psychologist's surgery and then back into the street. Marik leant against the wall to get his breath back then spoke angrily.

" And you thought I had problems."


	4. Adventure 3 Surfing the net

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN YU-GI-OH! (WHY DO YOU WANT ME TO KEEP REMINDING MYSELF OF THAT? SOBS) THERE PROBABLY WON'T BE ANY YAOI BUT IF THERE IS THEN I'LL WARN YOU, BUT THIS IS RATED FOR SAFETY JUST IN CASE. SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO UPDATE, MY COMPUTER HAD A HISSY FIT AND CRASHED. STUPID MACHINE!

THE MINI YAMI ADVENTURES

ADVENTURE 3: SURFING THE NET

Yami's fingers twitched anxiously as Yugi flicked the last of the switches on the front of the computer and the many icons finished loading on the desktop screen. Gradually a background showing a picture of Yami and Yugi in each other's arms on a sunny beach appeared on the screen behind the toolbars. Yugi smiled and spoke to Yami.

" Do you like the background I put on? I thought it'd be a nice thing to look at on your first go on the computer."

Yami scowled and called out as his desperation to get at the gadget before him became overwhelming.

" I don't care about the pigging background! Just get a move on, woman!"

" Pigging? Woman?"

" Just get a move on!"

Yugi muttered to himself as he turned back to the computer to load the correct program.

" I'm never letting him watch that pig movie ever again."

He loaded the Internet Explorer program and turned to Yami before relinquishing his seat.

" Now you've got to be careful Yami. Don't click on any pop-ups apart from the close icon and watch out for dodgy links. Don't enter anything unless you're entirely sure what it is and that it's suitable…"

Yami started to drag Yugi out of the chair and shove him out of the room.

" …And remember that I'm only in the other room if you need to ask ANYTHING…. Yami are you listening? Yami don't push me! I may be small but that doesn't mean you don't have to listen to me! Yami…"

Yami slammed the door in his Hikari's face and ran back to the computer and wiggled his fingers first over the keyboard then over the mouse, indecisive about what to do first. The bar at the bottom of the screen ticked over and the many advertisements and bulletins on the homepage flashed up in front of Yami's eyes. One advertisement popped up on his screen proclaiming a picture of Spongebob Squarepants with some jellyfish squirming about in the background. When he gingerly moved the mouse over the box, his cursor became a net and the box commanded him to try and catch three jellyfish in order to win a fabulous prize.

" Yugi would love it if I could win him something…"

He stuck his tongue out of the corner of his mouth in concentration and sent the cursor careering over the blue background after the little pink jellyfish. He stopped moving it and went to click the button but the little blob swerved out of the way. He growled in aggravation and zoomed after it again and again until his hand began to ache and sweat trickled over his face. His eye twitched and stroppily closed the pop-up box.

" No free gift should have to require so much hard work."

He scrolled down the page until he saw a link labelled "E-Bay". All the letters flashed different colours and held his attention until he clicked on it and a new page opened. He clicked on a few random drop-boxes until he found an object that was currently being bid on. He scrolled down and looked at the numbers flashing and increasing at the bottom of the screen. $100, $200, £300, $350… He looked back up and read the title and description again.

" One vintage, Air Guitar. No marks, scratches, smudges or chips. Mint condition and brand new to boot. Hmmmmm, Yugi is always going on about playing Air Guitar… I bet he'd be soooo happy with me if I got him a new one."

He smiled to himself at the thought of pleasing his Hikari and clicked on the bid button and typed in his bid. He went back to the main page and watched the screen change. Now it read:

SALE ON VINTAGE AIR GUITAR STOPPED. SOLD TO BUYER, YAMI MOTO FOR $700 AND $12.99 P&P.

Yami gave a little cheer and minimized the window. Back on the homepage, he followed some more links until he found a strange site that showed some pretty girls sticking their tongues out and wearing lace underwear standing in odd positions. Confused as to what it all meant, Yami carried on scrolling down until he saw a link that appealed to him. He clicked on it but when the window came up, all it provoked was a harsh scream of terror. Yami screeched, put his hands over his eyes and fell back off the chair. Yugi ran in and caught sight of what was on the computer screen. Two girls wearing nothing but white lace briefs and making out on a bed while fondling with each other. Yugi ran over and closed the window hastily. He pulled Yami up and called out.

" What the hell did you open that for? Yami, what were you thinking?"

Yami whimpered and yowled loudly.

" I'm scarred for life! No gay man should ever have to see that! My eyes burn!"

Yugi sighed and rolled his eyes as he replied.

" Well didn't it occur to you what it was before you opened it? What did the link say?"

Yami finished crying and replied meekly.

" It said 'girls, girls, girls'… I thought it was the Motley Crue song…"

Yugi made an exasperated noise and sat in the computer chair and began moving the mouse around the screen.

" Lets see what else you got up to. Whats this E-Bay window doing up?"

He clicked on it and read it slowly, his expression darkened. He spoke, getting angrier by the second.

" Yami, why does this say that you bought an Air Guitar for five hundred dollars?"

Yami grinned and replied.

" Because I did! You're always going on about playing Air Guitar so I thought it'd be a good idea to get you a new one. Aren't you glad, Yugi?"

" Yami… Air Guitars aren't real… its exactly as the name suggests, they're made of THIN AIR AND YOU JUST WASTED FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS ON BLOODY THIN AIR!"

Yugi slumped forward onto the computer desk and the computer fizzed and the screen went black. Yugi whined and moaned and rubbed his head in exasperation while Yami leant over his shoulder and looked at the computer in confusion.

" **Five hundred dollars for thin air? That's a bit over priced, don't you think Yugi?"**


	5. Adventure 4 Say a little prayer for kura

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN YU-GI-OH! (WHY DO YOU WANT ME TO KEEP REMINDING MYSELF OF THAT? SOBS) THERE PROBABLY WON'T BE ANY YAOI BUT IF THERE IS THEN I'LL WARN YOU, BUT THIS IS RATED FOR SAFETY JUST IN CASE. I AM VERY SORRY IT TOOK ME AGES TO UPDATE BUT I'VE HAD LOADS OF STUFF TO DO AND HAVEN'T ACTUALLY WRITTEN ANYTHING FOR AGES. HERES THE LATEST INSTALMENT OF THE MINI YAMI ADVENTURES FOR YOU.

THE MINI YAMI ADVENTURES

ADVENTURE 4 – Say a little prayer for Bakura 

" What the hell are you playing at! Get away from me you psychopath!"

Yami cried out and wheeled around the pool as Bakura charged after him with a very large and menacing looking leaf blower that seemed to have been tampered with in the worst way (see my choices, choices fic for more on this marvellous device) and cackled insanely. Yami shrieked as Bakura pushed the on button and a terrific gust of air threatened to suck him backwards. Yami took to his second lap of the pool and called out again.

" Why the hell are you chasing me with a leaf blower, Bakura?"

Bakura growled in frustration and replied.

" Its not a leaf blower! Why does everyone think that? Its my spirit catching machine, used for catching Yami's that preach far too much!"

Yami squeaked in fear as he remembered being stuck in there the last time. He sped up and leapt over a sun-lounger to get some obstacles between him and Bakura. He heard a loud splash and turned around to see Bakura floundering around in the water with the leaf blower still in his hands. He pushed a switch and a jolt of electricity shot through him, making him shake and gibber madly until he let the machine go and let it sink to the bottom of the pool. Yami leant over and dragged him to the side, where he heaved him over onto the dry tiles and made sure he was still alive. Bakura squirmed a bit then sat up and threw himself on Yami, calling madly.

" Yami-chan that hurt! Why did the bad water hurt me? It really hurt!"

Then he began to scream and cry like an oversized baby. Ryou appeared in the door leading to the garden and rushed over.

" Yami, what happened? I came as soon as I heard him crying."

Yami scowled and tried to throw Bakura off as his crocodile tears dampened his new shirt and he fretted over a runny nose.

" Oh so my yelling in terror didn't alert you to a problem then?"

" Just tell me what happened."

" This idiot fell into the pool and got electrocuted by his stupid 'spirit catching machine'. It's making him regress back to when he was like six where he was a big baby and if it's possible, even more annoying that he was before!"

He gave a final jerk and Bakura rolled off, only to crawl over to Ryou and start on him. Yami wiped the combination of snot and tears off his shirt with a towel then spoke again as Ryou fell back onto the floor and Bakura lay on top of him, still sobbing.

" That guy is a complete psycho. You should take him to a priest or something; maybe they'd go all Exorcist on him and sort him out. See you later, Ryou."

He got up and saluted as he left, leaving Ryou to deal with Bakura. He stroked Bakura's hair, to calm him down and spoke to himself.

" Maybe Yami was right… Bakura, we're going on a trip."

By the time they were half way to the church, Bakura had returned to his normal self and was bounding about the pavement as if drunk. Ryou bit his lip and dived after him as he nearly fell in front of an oncoming lorry as they crossed the road. Bakura righted himself as ran over to the other side where he swung from a lamppost outside the church and spoke.

" What the hell are we doing here, Ryou? You aren't religious and I'm sure not. Sorry Lord Ra but you don't count."

Ryou pulled him down from his perch and spoke softly.

" I pray for you all the time, Bakura, but it doesn't seem to have worked much so its time I left it to the professionals."

Bakura smirked and then began singing 'Living On A Prayer' at the top of his voice. Ryou sighed and dragged him inside the building. As soon as they set foot over the threshold, Bakura became silent and just looked around in wonder at the few people that were sitting, heads bowed and also silent, in the pews or kneeling at the front deep in prayer and thought. Ryou led the way down the main aisle to where a robed stood, admiring the stained glass windows that glistened beautifully as the setting sun cast its light through them. The man turned to face them as they drew close and opened his arms in a welcoming gesture.

" Ahh Ryou, it is good to see you. I'm glad you decided to finally call in. How is your father?"

Ryou grabbed Bakura's shirt to make sure he didn't do a runner then replied.

" He's fine but that I'm afraid the reason I came isn't really a good one. It's my Ya… my friend Bakura here. Another one of my friends suggested I brought him here so that you can help him or as he put it 'go all Exorcist on him'."

The priest smiled and replied.

" I'll hardly become an Exorcist but I'll see what I can do. He looks remarkably like you by the way, have you noticed?"

Ryou sighed and stepped aside as the priest moved to take a better look at Bakura. He looked him up and down then scowled and spoke.

" Sir, I don't think your shirt is adequate to wear inside a place of holy worship. I would request that you cover its slogan or leave."

Bakura looked down at it and replied in confusion.

" Whats wrong with it? It says 'I love my Hikari'."

" Its what is written underneath that that offends me, sir."

Bakura moved his arm, read the rest then smirked. Ryou turned him around and read his shirt.

" I love my Hikari… covered in Lubrication… Oh my god Bakura! Of all the shirts you could have worn… oh my god… I'm so sorry about this."

Bakura cut Ryou's speech off and spoke himself.

" I'll handle this Ryou."

He turned to the priest and spoke with his hand on his hips.

" I didn't realise the church was full of homophobes. Is it your opinion that men cannot be attracted to other men? Do you disagree with it?"

" No of course not sir, I merely observe other peoples concerns."

Bakura's voice became steadily louder.

" Do you think that we should not have sex? Do you think that just because we're gay, we don't deserve a smooth ride! Abysmal! Terrible! I'm leaving! Come on Ryou."

He stormed off and left the church with Ryou hot on his heels. Bakura stopped marching when he reached the lamppost he had been swinging off before. Ryou caught up to him and leant on him as he tried to catch his breath.

" Oh Bakura… for god's sake… a church… do you have no dignity?"

" Pfft… dignity? Who do you think I am? At least you don't have to go to church any more."

Ryou sighed as Bakura started off towards home. Ryou smiled at his Yami's retreating back and muttered to himself.

" I'll still keep saying a little prayer for you, Bakura. I always will."


End file.
